


A Soul for a Life

by Marrilyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Desperation, F/F, Feels, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Promises, Soul Selling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrilyn/pseuds/Marrilyn
Summary: Reader sells her soul to bring Rowena back to life.





	A Soul for a Life

Laying your eyes upon the charred skeleton, your first reaction was to scream.

The smell of burned flesh lingered in the air; it melted into the copper one of blood, forming a repugnant mixture that made your stomach churn.

The only thing you could think of, as your eyes inspected the messy room, was that you needed to get out of here. The mere sight was making you uneasy. Add to that the smell and the realization that your girlfriend was gone for good this time…

You were going to go insane. You were already halfway there, with thoughts you couldn’t make sense of swirling through your head and images of all the times you’ve nearly lost her in the past flashing before your eyes. It was only a matter of time before you snapped.

As soon as you were out of the hotel, you let sobs overcome you. You leaned against a nearby tree for support and screamed. Screamed and shouted and cried and sobbed at the top of your lungs.

People on the streets stopped dead in their tracts and turned their heads in your direction. Other guests opened their windows and stared.

Everyone’s eyes were on you, observing you, no doubt silently judging you – for how dare someone be sad in public? The nerve! – but you didn’t care. You didn’t care about anything anymore.

Rowena was gone. There was nothing left for you anymore. What point was there in dignity when the one person worth having it for was gone for good?

You had to get her back. You didn’t know how – you just knew you needed her back among the living.

You needed her back in your life.

Needed her beautiful smile she only saved for you.

Needed her voice, rough around the edges, yet sweet and caring at times when you needed comfort.

Needed her arms around you, her fingers intertwined with yours.

Needed _her._ All of her.

But there were no spells you were aware of that could make that happen. Her Resurrection Seal was burned off, so you couldn’t count on that, either. From what you’ve seen, there wasn’t any of it left for you to try to repair.

The only thing that was left was…

You almost laughed. Rowena would have called you crazy. She’d have said you’ve lost your mind and probably proclaimed she’d rather stay dead than allow you to do that.

But she was gone now and you were grieving, and she really had no say in what you did.

Besides, it wasn’t even a choice at this point. You would rather have her hate you in life than love you in death.

Selfish? Maybe. But understandable.

And, given the circumstances, you were certain she would do the same for you. She would hate herself for it. She would never let herself live it down. But she would do it out of the same love you were doing it out of. ****

Gathering your remaining strength, you stood up, taking a deep breath to compose yourself. You reached for a tissue in your bag to wipe your eyes before walking away from this wretched place.

But not before flipping off all those who pointed and laughed at your misery and whispered things you were glad you couldn’t hear. _Good luck with those boils, assholes!_ you thought, muttering a silent spell. _Hope they were worth it._

You found the nearest crossroads and did the little ritual. You may not have been the best at magic, but you knew how to summon a demon.

 _This is the right thing to do,_ you told yourself over and over again. Rowena will understand. She will hate it, and possibly hate you a tiny bit, but she will understand why you had to do it.

You’d already killed for her. You’ve sacrificed yourself for her and almost died for her more than once. She was worried out of her mind and angry that you would go to such extremes for her, but she understood why you had to do it. She knew that you loved her.

And she will understand why you would sell your soul for her.

It wouldn’t last forever, as you’ve planned, but ten wonderful years was better than nothing. Besides, you could always come back to her as a demon. There was no doubt in your mind she would take the best care of your body until the time comes for you to return to it.

“What do we have here?” a smug voice said, startling you from your thoughts. The demon that stood before you was a tall, handsome man in his mid-twenties. He looked almost kind and innocent; if it weren’t for the eyes, you would’ve easily mistaken him for an ordinary human. “Why, hello there, little witch.”

“Cut the crap. I’m not in the mood,” you said in that no-nonsense tone you stole from Rowena. “I want to make a deal. You in or not?”

“Someone’s in a hurry,” the demon said, flashing you a grin.

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t waste my time. I… I need this deal.” And just like that, the tears were back. Damn it! Couldn’t you stay composed for one fucking minute? “Please.”

“Wow, you’re desperate!”

_Thank you for noticing, jackass!_

“I am,” you admitted. “So are we gonna do it or not?”

The demon straightened himself, fixing his tie and shirt like a businessman preparing for an important meeting. “Depends. What do you need?”

“I need you to bring my girlfriend back to life.”

“Really?”

You ignored his nonchalant tone. “Her name’s Rowena. This is her.”

“I know who she is,” he said when you tried to show him her picture on your phone. “Ginger whore.”

“Don’t call her that!” you hissed, trying your hardest not to let your anger get the best of you. This demon was a jackass, but he was also the person Rowena’s life – well, second chance at life – depended on. If you screwed this up, you could never see her again.

The demon smirked. “Hit a nerve, haven’t I?” He chuckled. “There used to be a bounty on her head, you know? Can’t believe someone finally did her in.”

You swallowed. “Will you bring her back or not?” You made sure to lace every word with deadly poison.

“Sure,” he said with a wink. “For a price.”

“I know. My soul. I get ten years, then I’m yours.”

“Correct! But are you sure you want her back? No offense, but that one… Ugh!” He shuddered, making a disgusted face. “I remember when she was in Hell. Bossed the old boss around like a pro. A cunning bitch, she was. Very… manipulative. Perfect Hell material, but damn, was she annoying. Wouldn’t wish her on my worst enemy.”

You shot him your deadliest glare. “I’m good. Thanks.”

The demon clapped his hands like an excited child at a toy store. “Great! Glad that’s settled.” He gave you a vibrant smile. “Come, now. Give us a kiss!”

* * *

You carefully entered the hotel room, heart beating fast with anticipation. The smell of burning flesh was still there and it took all your willpower to refrain from gagging.

Your eyes fell to the floor, where the charred corpse used to lie;you breathed a sigh of relief when you found nothing there, a spark of hope flickering in your heart.

It was when you turned to the bed that your eyes welled up with tears. Rowena sat on its corner, clad only in a light purple bathrobe. You blinked a few times, praying to all deities you could think of, real and made up, that what you were seeing was real, that she was really back.

It was.

She was.

“Rowena!” you exclaimed, throwing yourself at her. She fell on her back, with you on top of her, your arms tightly wrapped around her. “You’re here! You’re alive!”

“Aye.” She couldn’t keep the laughter in anymore. “Though, if ye keep this up, I won’t be for much longer.”

“I’ll take my chances,” you said, crashing you lips into hers for a quick, hungry kiss. “I love you so much, baby girl!”

“Me, too, darlin’.” She brought a hand to your cheek to caress it. “Very much.”

You got off her, rolling to her right. She turned on her side so she could look at you, linking her hand with yours. It felt so good to be able to touch her again. To be able to kiss her and look into those beautiful eyes full of life. To hear her voice, tough yet delicate.

The world wasn’t ready to lose the perfection that was Rowena MacLeod.

And neither were you.

“How are you feeling?” you asked, stroking her hair.

“Good,” she replied.

“Just good?”

“I’m not dead, am I?” she countered, pulling on a playful smile.

You grinned. “Thankfully.” You pressed your forehead to hers, lowering your hand so you could take hold of hers once again. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, sweetheart.”

Rowena’s face fell. You knew talking about her death was the last thing she probably wanted mere moments after coming back to life, but it had to be said. You needed her to know. “It wasn’t yer fault.”

“I never should’ve left you alone. Not with him on the loose.”

“Ye didn’t know. None of us did,” she said. “What happened, happened. It’s in the past now. Let it stay there.”

You could tell it was painful for her to talk about it. _No wonder,_ you thought, remembering what the Winchesters told you Lucifer did. If that had been you, you would have been a sobbing mess the moment you came back to life. ****

The fact that Rowena could smile only hours after the worst moments of her life just proved how strong she was.

“I’m sorry,” you said, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. The last thing you wanted was to hurt her. “I won’t mention it again.”

“Thank ye,” she said. “How’d ye do it?”

“Do what?”

“Bring me back. What kind of spell was it?” She shot you a bright smile. “I know it wasn’t my Seal; that thing burned up along with…” She shuddered at the memory and your grip on her hand tightened. “With me. So what was it? What’d ye do?”

You sat up, locking your eyes with the wall opposite you. You couldn’t look her in the eyes. How do you tell someone you sold your soul for them? How do you tell the person you love most that your promised forever will not be forever after all, that you would be gone in ten years and leave them all alone?

How do you tell them that to get them back you will once have to lose them?

“Y/N?” Rowena called worriedly.

“It wasn’t a spell,” you finally said, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“What was it, then?”

“It…” You gulped. “Rowena, I need you to promise me you won’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?”

Tears spilled down your cheeks, blurring your vision. “Promise me!” Then, softening your voice, you added: “Please.”

“Y/N…”

Rowena sat up as well and you turned your head, avoiding her glance.

“Y/N, look at me.”

She cupped your cheeks with both hands, tilting your head back to meet your tear-filled eyes.

“What happened, darlin’? What’d ye do?”

Her voice was sweet and comforting, motherly even; it only worsened your guilt. Here she was, being so gentle with you when you were just about to break her heart.

“Ye can tell me,” she said.

“You’ll hate me,” you whimpered.

“I could never hate ye, darlin’.”

“You will,” you told her. “I know you will.”

“I won’t.” She pecked you on the lips. “I promise.”

“You won’t be mad?”

“No.”

You took a deep breath. You could do it, you told yourself. You could tell her the truth. Rowena may have seemed scary, but on the inside she was a sweetheart. She wouldn’t hurt you.

Much.

“I sold my soul,” you said.

Rowena stared, all color draining from her pale skin. “Ye what?”

“I sold my soul.”

“Ye-ye sold your soul?”

“Yes.”

She stared for a moment longer.

Then she got up and started pacing back and forth, breaths deep and shallow, arms nervously flailing about.

“Say something,” you begged, choking back the sobs.

“Tell me ye didn’t do it,” she said.

“I did,” you cried, wiping away your tears.

“No.” She shook her head. “No!”

“I did it, Rowena!” you exclaimed. “I sold my soul! It’s done.”

She looked you in the eyes. “How could ye be so stupid?” she exclaimed.

Her words stung, but you knew she was just upset. If roles were reversed, your reaction wouldn’t differ much from hers. “I did it for _you.”_

Her own eyes filled with tears. “Bloody hell, Y/N! Why? I didn’t ask ye to do it! Ye didn’t _have to_ do it!”

“I did!” you retorted, getting to your feet and walking over to her. “I need you in my life, Rowena. I couldn’t stand the thought of living without you. You’re the only person I have left in this world and I couldn’t just let you go. I love you too much for that. I don’t care if you hate me for it. I don’t care if you leave. You’re here and you’re alive – that’s the only thing that matters!”

“What about _ye?_ In ten years the hounds will rip ye apart and drag ye to Hell!”

“That’s ten more years with you than I would’ve had if I hadn’t done it!” you said. “You wanna punish me for loving you? Fine! Scream at me! Curse me out! Hit me!”

“I’m not goin’ to hit ye!” Rowena said, fazed that you’d think she’d ever stoop so low. She took your hands into hers and squeezed them. Anger faded from her face, replaced by sadness she rarely showed. “Goodness, Y/N! Ye honestly think I’d harm ye?”

She pulled you into a hug, wrapping her arms firmly around you.

“I love ye,” she said softly. “I didn’t think it possible, but I do. I would never, ever hurt ye. I’m just scared.”

You knew it took a lot of courage for her to admit it out loud. Rowena rarely showed her true feelings; when she did, it was a heartbreaking sight.

“I know, sweetheart,” you whispered. “I’m scared, too. But I don’t regret a thing. I got you back. That makes everything worth it. And if given a chance, I’d make the same choice all over again. I would do anything – _anything –_ for you.”

“Ye’re an idiot. A bampot. A numbnut.”

“I am. All that and more.”

“I hate ye,” she said, voice breaking. “I hate ye so much. No – I _loathe_ ye!”

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t,” she agreed. “But I wish I did. It’d make this easier.”

“Since when has anything been easy with us, Wena?” You pulled back from the hug. “We’ll get through this like we always do. Just the two of us.”

“We’ll have to,” Rowena said. “For the next ten years, I don’t want ye out of my sight. Where I go, ye go. What I do, ye do. I don’t wanna waste a single minute. Are we clear?”

You smiled. “Crystal. And when…” You breathed. “When they take me, I won’t be gone for long. We’ll find our way back to each other.”

Rowena nodded. “I’ll take care of yer body until ye’re ready to inhabit it again.”

“And I will do my best to remember the love I feel for you! And if they manage to torture it out of me, I need you to make me remember.”

“I will,” Rowena said, tears sliding down her rosy cheeks. “I promise.”

“I love you, Rowena. I love you so, so much. That’s forever.”

“Forever,” she agreed, her lips connecting with yours in a sweet, gentle kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Editor: [BewitchedSquirrel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BewitchedSquirrel/)


End file.
